Monthly Archives: July 2014

The Four Most Beautiful Words I Have Ever Heard

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I’m writing this post on the note application on my phone because I have so many words in my head and heart I have to get it out. We are on a mission today. It is important. It is a last minute trip that I felt couldn’t wait. My five year old and I are traveling to visit my grandma several states away, and as parenting goes…she got motion sick on our first flight. She projectile vomited about thirty minutes after we landed while we were on our way to our next gate. The elevator doors opened and people on the other side of the door watched in horror and quickly stepped back. There was no garbage or anything so I let her just puke on the floor over and over again. I had to stop and change her clothes in the middle of the hallway in front of everyone. I used baby wipes that I had with me to wipe her down. I then schlepped my very heavy carry on, my heavy purse, her back pack, and the car seat to our gate with her weak sick little self walking next to me. The next gate was down and elevator, through a long, long hall, and up the escalator. A shoe shine man gave us his last bag for her soiled clothing and her next incident if need be. We arrived at an airport help station and asked for more bags, and were able to get two more so the clothes could be wrapped up and tucked into an overflowing bag. When we arrived at the gate after about a twenty minute walk, the airlines had changed the gate to…wait for it…the gate right next to the one we just got off. The airline attendant was of no help, and she could have cared less how sick my little one was. My daughter, sick again, got cleaned back up and committed to the journey back. It took three sit down to rest stops to get to where we started. We were both exhausted and wondering at that point if we were going to be stuck in a city we had no need to be in. When we finally got to our gate, a full hour or more after we had originally left it, she collapsed in a chair and fell asleep. So there I was sitting on the floor wondering- do I ask a stranger to watch my kid so I can buy her Dramamine and water or do I wake her up and haul our crap across the way again? Both options sucked, so I decided to do nothing. I sent out messages asking for prayer, and texted my husband to tell him they might not let us on the plane. I tried to call him and talk but she got sick so I had to get off the phone. She threw up again and the lady across from me said, “Can I help you? Can I go get you something?” I swear to God I want her as my best friend. She was so motherly and kind. She bought Dramamine and found ginger ale. She went and got me a coffee and refused to buy one for herself with my money. When our plane came in she arranged for my girl and I to load the plane first. She carried the puked on back pack onto the plane so I could help my sick baby and carry our bags. I asked for her business card because she was traveling for work. She said it wasn’t necessary. And I am sitting here in the very back of the plane, with daughter’s puked on stinky feet across my lap, thinking- “I don’t even know your name!” I know she has two sons. The youngest just graduated from high school and they went on a cruise. That’s all I know. Or is it?

I know that she took one look at my sick girl and her exhausted mama and she was inclined to help. I know she has a kind and giving heart. I know she was the hands and feet of Jesus for me today. I know I will never forget her kindness. Dozens of people walked past us today, and likely didn’t even see us. They didn’t see a mom struggling to carry what felt like the weight of the world while feeling awful for making her sick baby walk. How often do I walk past someone struggling with their burdens and not see them? See them for who they really are and what they are going through? And really- when do I have the time in my own chaotic life of working and raising kids to slow down to notice?

Lord, Help me to notice…help me to shut out the crazy things in this life just enough to pay attention to what is going on around me…

Slow down. Breath. Look. Seek. Help. Listen.
I am tired. It’s been a long day. We haven’t even gotten half way to where we need to be and I am so tired. I am tired, but my heart is full. All it took was a stranger stopping to care about me and my girl. Thank you friend, whomever you are.
***Upate*** When I got off the plane, after this was written, she was waiting for us to see if we needed help. She still didn’t tell me her name, but we were able to give her a pair of earrings from my jewelry stash and a thank you note on a business card because it was all I had with me. She tried to refuse it but we got it in her bag. She sent me an email to thank me.***

My Protector

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Two weeks ago, I made an amazing discovery for myself. Here is what I wrote about it:

It’s like the wind has been knocked out of me. I am literally gasping for air and my eyes are wide open. I am staring at the verses of a Psalm written for me (for YOU). For years I have marveled in His ability to save me from certain death; both spiritual and physical. I have wondered how I survived things that others have not. What is it? Why me and not them? Survival, I will remind you, does not always mean surviving death. Survival is about life and living. You can be breathing and alive and still not living. I am living. I survived. I know I didn’t do it alone because I have felt the hand of God, heard His voice calling my name, and I have known since I was three that I am His. No one can take that away, not even me. But let me back up a little and tell you why this Psalm has me in a state of absolute awe.

Since I was a young child I have longed for someone to take the role of protector of me. Protecting me from evil. Telling the demons to back down. Being on my side when someone wrongs me or treats me poorly. When you are a child it should be your parents. When you are a young adult it is your best friend. When you are married, your spouse. While I have had an element of this in the later two relationships, it has not filled this deep uncertain void that I have had. I just want that knight in shining armor to stop the “bad guys” from attacking. The knight never does come…but yet I survive. I am strong, but tired. I don’t want to be strong alone all the time. Where is this knight? Where is my knight? Where and when will someone stop the attacks and protect me for once? And how do I keep surviving the attacks without my knight? And then I opened my Bible on my phone to Psalm 18.

Tonight my years of questions came to an end. It’s not a new Psalm to me. I have read it. But it never drew up the images it did tonight. I read Psalm 18 and felt like I was telling the story. It was so clear I could see it and feel it. I was in a hostile place and I called to Him and from His palace He heard me. He came to save me, fight off my enemies, and take me out of danger. And he was angry… his nostrils were flaring….he thundered out of heaven…to rescue me from my enemies. He is my protector. My knight.

16  But me he caught – reached all the way from sky to sea; he pulled me out 17 that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. 18They hit me when I was down, but God stuck by me. 19 He stood me up on a wide-open field; I stood there saved – surprised to be loved!

God stuck by me. He stood me up. I stood there saved. I was surprised to be loved. The images were so powerful that I must have read the Psalm ten times to make sure I was getting the fullness of it. The rich words surrounded me and held me in such a protective way I knew how I had survived things of my past and how I would survive things in my future. I am not alone. I have never been alone. Just like you are not alone. When the darkness of your situation starts to cloud your vision and you feel attacked on all sides He has not left you or abandoned you. He is fighting for you. Here is the whole Psalm in NIV I would encourage you to look it up in the Message or other versions to get the full imagery.

1 I love you, O LORD, my strength. 2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. 3 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. 4The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. 5 The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. 6 In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. 7 The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook;they trembled because he was angry. 8 Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it. 9 He parted the heavens and came down; dark  under his feet. 10 He mounted the cherubim and flew; he soared on the wings of the wind.11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him– the dark rain clouds of the sky. 12Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, with hailstones and bolts of lightning. 13The LORD thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded. 14 He shot his arrows and scattered [the enemies], great bolts of lightning and routed them. 15 The valleys of the sea were exposed and the foundations of the earth laid bare at your rebuke, O LORD, at the blast of breath from your nostrils. 16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. 17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. 18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. 19 He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. 20 The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me. 21 For I have kept the ways of the LORD; I have not done evil by turning from my God. 22 All his laws are before me; I have not turned away from his decrees. 23 I have been blameless before him and have kept myself from sin. 24 The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight. 25 To the faithful you show yourself faithful, to the blameless you show yourself blameless, 26 to the pure you show yourself pure, but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd. 27 You save the humble but bring low those whose eyes are haughty. 28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. 29 With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. 30 As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. 31 For who is God besides the LORD? And who is the Rock except our God?32 It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. 33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. 34 He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. 35 You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand ; you stoop down to make me great. 36 You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn. 37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them; I did not turn back till they were destroyed. 38 I crushed them so that they could not rise; they fell beneath my feet. 39 You armed me with strength for battle; you made my adversaries bow at my feet. 40 You made my enemies turn their backs in flight, and I destroyed my foes. 41 They cried for help, but there was no one to save them– to the LORD, but he did not answer. 42 I beat them as fine as dust borne on the wind; I poured them out like mud in the streets. 43 You have delivered me from the attacks of the people; you have made me the head of nations; people I did not know are subject to me.44 As soon as they hear me, they obey me; foreigners cringe before me. 45 They all lose heart;they come trembling from their strongholds. 46 The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God my Savior! 47 He is the God who avenges me, who subdues nations under me, 48 who saves me from my enemies. You exalted me above my foes; from violent men you rescued me.49 Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD; I will sing praises to your name. 50He gives his king great victories; he shows unfailing kindness to his anointed, to  his descendants forever.